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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23168818">Open Your Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/can7relle/pseuds/can7relle'>can7relle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Open Heart (Visual Novels)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:35:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23168818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/can7relle/pseuds/can7relle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan Ramsey decided to maintain a professional relationship with Doctor Estrelle Valentine, which she has accepted it with an open heart, how does he cope when he couldn't deal with the loss that he caused?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ethan Ramsey/f!MC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Open Your Heart #1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first fanfiction for Open Heart, Pixelberry own the characters in the fiction, I don't. Some of the conversations were from the original visual novel. English is not my first language, therefore pardon any possible spelling or grammar errors in the fiction.</p><p>Doctor Thorne and Esme have yet to appear in this chapter, the story line will be different from the original.</p><p>Thank you for reading.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          It was one of the hardest decision to make when he has made up his mind to go to Amazon without telling her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          When Ethan walked into Donahue’s compound on Sunday night, to his surprise he has entered the newly set up beer garden. Reggie has always mentioned about having a beer garden, he didn’t know he would’ve get it done within two months’ time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          There are one bunch of young people sitting together on a table, he recognized a few of them. Doctor Elijah Green, Doctor Sienna Trinh, Doctor Jackie Varma and Doctor Aurora Emery… Ethan suddenly felt very nervous, he refrained himself from having his sight wander towards that group of doctors, but his eyes still searching for her among the crowd nevertheless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          She wasn’t there…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan wasn’t sure whether he felt relief or disappointment at that moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Doctor Sienna saw his presence, she nodded towards him and smiled, and the rest of the group realized about his presence did the same. Ethan returned the gesture with a curt nod and headed into the bar.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          There wasn’t much people in the bar, only 3 booths were occupied, Reggie was talking to a lady customer on the bar, he couldn’t see who she was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Shoulder length short white stained ash hair, she was wearing a very short and figure hugging black dress that revealing major part of her long slender legs, and a pair of white sneakers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan didn’t normally stare at women, but he couldn’t help himself but look at this one, he felt as if he knew her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Before he approached the bar, another figure walked towards the counter swiftly and embraced the lady at the counter from behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          The lady turned around and looked at the guy who hugged her, Ethan stood there frozen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          It’s her… Estrelle Valentine. The woman he purposely avoided for two months.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          <em>She was being with the scalpel jockey after all? </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>          The realization crushed him like a huge wave, he felt breathless suddenly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan took a deep breath and made sure he got his emotions under control before he walked towards the bar counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Reggie.” He waved at his old friend to announce his presence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Hi Ethan! You are back!” Reggie’s tone is delighted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Bryce could feel Estrelle’s body was slightly stiffen when she heard the name. He tightened the hug to comfort her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Bryce, can you take our drinks to the gang first?” Estrelle squeezed his arm lightly, a gesture to show him she is fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          They had to talk things through and make proper closure if they are going to work together as a team. Estrelle was well aware of that, and she planned to do it tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Okay baby.” He placed a light kiss on her forehead before taking a tray of drinks to the beer garden.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “The usual?” Reggie’s eyes wander back and forth between Ethan who has already seated next to Estrelle and Estrelle who was still sitting on the bar stool.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Yeah.” Ethan nodded, he placed his hands on the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Reggie placed the drink Ethan has ordered on the bar counter and left the area to give both of them some space.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “How have you been?” Ethan took the first sip, the strong alcohol has somehow given him the courage to initiate the conversation under the very awkward atmosphere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Fine, thanks for asking. And yourself?” Estrelle glanced at him, her onyx eyes met his piercing ice blue eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          She told herself countless times that Ethan did not owe her any explanation on why he has left without any words, as she wasn’t her girlfriend, they were not even close friends, just co-workers they had sex with, <em>twice</em>. She had no stand to question him or whatsoever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I’m good.” He diverted his eyes away, fearing he may lost control over himself if he continue to stare at her. He took another sip of his drink to camouflage his fluster. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Heaven knows how much he has missed her during that two months. Two months apart did not help to ease his feelings for her, it has deepen them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          They were surrounded with suffocating silence, at least for Ethan, it was really asphyxiating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Estrelle, I…” Ethan fumbled to find a suitable words to explain to her his sudden disappearance, but failed miserably. He did owe her an explanation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I know what you wanted to tell me.”  She fiddled with the stem of her glass before turned her sight back at him. “I just wanted to ask you one more time, you sure this is what you want for me, for <em>us</em>?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Her gaze was intense, Ethan felt his soul has been absorbed into her dark onyx eyes. “I… Yes.” He gripped his hands into knuckles, as if he could gained more strength to resist her or his feelings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “You only do what you “think” it’s best for me or what you wanted for me, but you never ask me, what I want, it’s not fair.” She sighed, eyes wandered back at her colourful drink. She told herself this is the last time ever she is going to bare her feelings to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>          One last time.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “What… do you want?” Ethan asked, not realized the quiver in his tone, he was uncertain whether it was from fear or out of anticipation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “At first, I wanted to be the best doctor I could be…” Her voice trailed off, she rested her chin on her knuckle, and eyes fixed on him again. “After all the things that happened, I realized the only thing I wanted was… you. I understand this thing should be mutual, if you don’t feel the same way about me, I will not push myself to you. If professional relationship is what you ever wanted for us, I will do it.” This sentence has consumed all the courage she had for her entire life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Estrelle, your future and your career are too valuable to be jeopardized by things like these, I couldn’t be the reason of your failure.” Ethan tighten his grips. As much as he would like to give into his feelings selfishly, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he ever became the reason of her failure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Although Estrelle has expected his answer, but she still felt stung and disappointed hearing this from him. She braced herself by taking a deep breath before forced the most natural smile she could give to him at that moment. “You’ve changed a lot.” She touched his beard, feeling the tickle sensation on her hand, trying to forget the wave of disappointment that washed through her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Other than beard, he seemed rougher and rugged at the appearance, two months in the Amazon really did a lot to someone. He was wearing a white Henley shirt underneath the green jacket with a pair of grey jeans, Estrelle had to admit, he looked even more attractive than he ever did before.</p>
<p>         </p>
<p>          “What do you think about this change?” Ethan stiffened at her touch momentarily, but immediately relaxed under her soft touches.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Rugged look is good look on you, although I think everyone would miss your famous jawline.” She commented with a chuckle and retracted her hand from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “You lost a lot of weight.” The reasons why Ethan couldn’t recognized her, other than her changed hair color and hair style, also because of her body size. Though she used to be slender before, but now she is even slimmer, more muscular, Ethan bet her body fat has dropped significantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Yeah, was busy and I worked out too.” She nodded while glanced over her smart band. “I gotta go, they are waiting for me.” She smiled apologetically. “I want to tell you one last time.” She stepped down from her bar stool and leaned nearer to Ethan. “I love you, Ethan. Take care and please don’t exile yourself just because you wanted to avoid me, I feel bad about it. I understand you are doing this for my own good, I appreciate that and will respect your decision.” She placed a kiss on his cheek. “See you tomorrow, Doctor Ramsey.” She waved at him and headed towards the beer garden to join her friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan still drowned in her confession, the softness of her lips on his cheek and her scent surrounding him when Reggie returned to the bar counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “You are going to regret this, my friend.” Reggie took the glass Estrelle has used earlier and placed into the sink behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I already am, but...” Ethan gulped down the rest of his drink and his unfinished sentence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I hope you could live with your mistake.” Reggie wiped the counter with a damp cloth after taken away the lowball glass Ethan has used earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I hate you.” Ethan glowered at his old friend. Reggie has always been sharp and sensitive, especially towards him. Other than Naveen and his father, he is the other person who knows him well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Reggie chortled. “It’s late, you should go home and get some rest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Do you know… how long they have dated?” Knowing he will be laughed at, but Ethan couldn’t ignore the intimacy displayed between Bryce Lahela and Estrelle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “I don’t know. This is actually the first time I saw her showing up ever since your departure. She looked totally different. Her friends dropped by though…” Reggie’s voice trailed off, he grinned at Ethan mischievously, purposely created the suspense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Reggie…” Ethan glared at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          “Okay okay. I did ask them about her.” Reggie knew Estrelle is somehow special to Ethan, of course he <em>would </em>keep tab on her. His playful expression changed into a sombre demeanour. “Doctor Trinh mentioned she was very depressed ever since you were gone, for that whole month, she hardly ate properly, work was all she had, and it was truly a miracle that she did not collapsed. In the end Bryce interfered, no one knows how he did it, but Estrelle has become better since then. If they really dated, maybe it’s about a month.” Reggie shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan was shocked to hear what she has been through because he certainly couldn’t tell from the way she looked earlier. She either has moved on, or did really well to cover up her pain. Each possibilities would not make Ethan feel any better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          He probably did the wrong thing by leaving just like that. However, what done is done, he couldn’t undo the past.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Feeling angry about himself and helpless about the situation, Ethan left the bar after bid Reggie goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Ethan reached home about 11:00 p.m., he hadn’t pick Jenner up from the pet shop he entrusted him with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          He sat on the couch and glanced through his spacious apartment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          He touched the couch that they shared their drinks on, his eyes wandered to the kitchen island they shared their kiss at… this place felt so empty without her, his heart feel so void without her…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Feeling agitated with himself, he decided to take a shower to cool himself off. After a quick shower, he stood in front of the mirror, he took the shaver in his hand, unsure of what to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>          I think everyone would miss your famous jawline…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Her voice echoed in his mind, before he realized it, his hands already started to shave his beard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          He watched his shaved face in the mirror and sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>          Tomorrow is not going to be easy… After his night routine, Ethan laid down on the bed they made love in… He realized, she wasn’t the biggest obstacle of their professional relationship… <em>He is</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Open Your Heart #2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ethan Ramsey was torn by the complicated feelings he had for Estrelle Valentine</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>English is not my first language, pardon me for any possible spelling and grammar errors.</p><p>Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>          “Estrelle, are you okay?” Sienna whispered to her while the rest of the gang walked in front.</p><p> </p><p>          “Yeah, I’m okay.” Estrelle nodded while wrapped an arm around Sienna’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>          “You really moved on from him?” Sienna gazed on Estrelle worriedly, trying to find a sign from her calm expression. She has not forgotten how badly Estrelle has reacted when she knew Doctor Ethan Ramsey left for Amazon.</p><p> </p><p>          “I wouldn’t say completely, but I wouldn’t trouble him or have you guys worried about me anymore by behaving that way.” She rubbed Sienna’s shoulder reassuringly.</p><p> </p><p>          “Hey, both of you, move faster, we have a T to catch!” Jackie yelled from in front alongside with Bryce, Aurora and Elijah.</p><p> </p><p>          “Okay~” Estrelle held Sienna’s hand and both of them rushed to join their friends.</p><p> </p><p>          They reached the apartment by midnight, Estrelle hurried to get herself ready for bed, she was excited and nervous to meet the diagnostics team and her new intern tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>          It’s a new chapter of her residency.</p><p> </p><p>          Estrelle woke up before anybody in her apartment did. It has been a month since she started to go to gym early in the morning before her shift with Bryce, until then she didn’t even know there’s a gym in the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>          “Morning Bryce.” Estrelle greeted him while setting her gym bag aside.</p><p> </p><p>          “Morning beautiful.” Bryce grinned at her as he was running on the treadmill.</p><p> </p><p>          Estrelle took out the cover top she wore earlier, left only her dust pink sports bra and wine red short workout pant. She usually tied her hair in mermaid braid during workout. Without wasting time, she started her workout session with warm up exercises before anything else. It’s leg day for her today.</p><p> </p><p>          “Estrelle.” Bryce walked towards her after he has done with the treadmill session.</p><p> </p><p>          “Yeah?” Estrelle was doing deadlift, she was looking at him through the reflection of the mirror in front them.</p><p> </p><p>          “Just thought you should know, we may have company today.” Bryce seemed hesitate when telling her.</p><p> </p><p>          “Who?” Estrelle did not stop her weight lifting, every second she spent here is precious to her.</p><p> </p><p>          “Before you, Ethan Ramsey and Rafael were actually the regulars here.” Other than Ethan Ramsey, Bryce knew she also had a thing with Rafael Aveiro.</p><p> </p><p>          “Are you telling me this place is strictly for male only?” Estrelle rolled her eyes before placed down the bar bell.</p><p> </p><p>          “Just giving you a heads up.” Bryce held her close with his arms around her tiny waist, forehead pressing against hers.</p><p> </p><p>          “Ahem!” Rafael walked into the gym, followed by Ethan behind.</p><p> </p><p>          Bryce let go of her and waved at the guys. “Sorry for not letting you guys know earlier, I’ve brought Estrelle with me to the gym since a month ago.”</p><p> </p><p>          “Hello.” Estrelle greeted them before continue with her workout, she only had about 45 minutes left before she needed to shower and get ready for work, there wasn’t any time to waste.</p><p> </p><p>          “No worries, buddy.” Rafael smiled at them warmly. He has been absent from the gym for about two months because of his injury, doctor has advised him to stop any kind of strenuous exercise until he has fully recovered. His superior has also insisted he take long leave to rest, therefore he hadn’t see Estrelle for around two months.</p><p> </p><p>          Ethan nodded at both of them before setting his gym bag next to hers. While Bryce got back to his workout with dumb bells, Ethan laid out the yoga mat he normally used for stretching.</p><p> </p><p>          The sight where Bryce embracing her when he came in stung his eyes, but he definitely understood that he has no right or stand to stop her from developing relationship with other persons. He wasn’t even her boyfriend to begin with.</p><p> </p><p>          After her usual routine of leg day, which normally take 1 hour included breaks in between, Estrelle sat on one of the workout bench while wiping her sweat with towel.</p><p> </p><p>          “Nice form.” Ethan commented, the bench she sat one was close to him.</p><p> </p><p>          “Thanks, Bryce was a good trainer, he taught me what I know.” She took a deep breath and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>          “I think you should stretch after your lifting session.” It’s only a friendly advice, Ethan kept telling himself.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>          Not because you were hoping to spend some time with her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>          “I’ll take your advice and fit the stretching session into my workout schedule, but I need to get ready for work already.” She drank her water and got up from the bench. “See you at work, Doctor Ramsey.”</p><p> </p><p>          Ethan nodded towards her, he stood up to reach for the 10kg dumbbell and started with bicep curls before seeing Bryce followed after Estrelle to the changing room.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>          Are they going to shower together?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>        Before his mind was able to process the scenario or his feelings, the moment he lost concentration, he lost the grip over the dumbbell, it slipped from his hand and dropped on the floor. It was a loud bang even though the carpet has absorbed the impact, and luckily it wasn’t drop on his feet, though the acceleration of gravity has hurt his wrist, he whined in pain.</p><p> </p><p>          “Doctor Ramsey!” Rafael immediately stop his cross trainer and rushed to Ethan’s side.</p><p> </p><p>          “What happened?” Bryce showed up followed by Estrelle. They were going to shower, before they undress they heard the unusual loud bang.</p><p> </p><p>          “Doctor Ramsey lost his grip over the dumbbell, I think he has hurt his wrist.” Rafael gingerly hold on his arm to examine his condition.</p><p> </p><p>          “I’m… I’m fine.” He bit his lip, tried to endure the excruciating pain that came from his right wrist.</p><p> </p><p>          “Let me have a look.” Bryce approached both of them and took over Ethan’s right arm to inspect. “I think he has injured his ligament, better get him to ER to tend to it.”</p><p> </p><p>          “Guys, sorry I gotta go, duty call.” Rafael check his pager and immediately pack his stuffs. “Doctor Ramsey, take care and get well soon.”</p><p> </p><p>          “Be careful, Rafael.” Estrelle waved her hand and he turned her eyes to Bryce. “You have a surgery scheduled 45 minutes from now right?”</p><p> </p><p>          “Yeah. You okay to handle this alone?” Bryce shot her an apologetic look, as much as he was unwilling to leave her alone with Ethan Ramsey, he had no choice.</p><p> </p><p>          “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry. Good luck on your surgery.” She placed a light kiss on his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>          “Thanks.” He caress her face before turned and go.</p><p> </p><p>          “Doctor Ramsey, how do you feel now?” She helped him to support his arm.</p><p> </p><p>          “Pain, looseness on the joint.” Maybe the pain wasn’t that much compare to having her kissing other guy. He thought.</p><p> </p><p>          “I need to cast your arm until we get you to ER, we need to get an x-ray to see how severe your injury is. You hold on for a second, I’m getting the first-aid kit.” Luckily this gym equipped with the medical supply that cater for athletic injury.</p><p> </p><p>          “Do it.” He replied swiftly. He needed to concentrate so that he won’t whined in pain. That would be triple damages, his heart, his wrist and his ego.</p><p> </p><p>          Estrelle’s actions were swift, she had his hand casted and walked him to ER. She did ask him in between whether he needed a wheel chair but was dismissed by him.</p><p> </p><p><em>          He is ever stubborn.</em> She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. Before they could make it out from the gym, he insisted she change her gym wear out when she was anxious to get him the medical attention he needed immediately.</p><p> </p><p>          What was wrong with gym wear, she was going to wear a cover top over the sports bra anyway.</p><p> </p><p>          “My mission is accomplished. See you later, Doctor Ramsey.” Estrelle just accompanied Ethan for the x-ray imaging. She was desperate to get a shower, as she was forced to change into her after work wear, a white cropped T-Shirt with beige palazzo pant without showering first as she didn’t want to stain her workwear. It’s her first time meeting her very own intern, she wanted to make good impression.</p><p> </p><p>          “Estrelle…” Before Ethan could ask her stay, he was interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>          “Oh my, what happened to you Ethan?” A friendly voice joined them, it’s Doctor Naveen Banerji. He was walking around after his breakfast and heard some staff spoken about Ethan’s injury, he was here immediately as soon as he knew that.</p><p> </p><p>          “Doctor Banerji, good morning. I need to go now.” She gestured the watch on her wrist to him with an apologetic smile. Heaven knows how relief she was when she saw Doctor Banerji on the scene.</p><p> </p><p>          “No worries, Doctor Valentine, see you at the briefing.” He waved at her with a friendly grin before turned his attention back to Ethan who was sulking at her departure. “It’s her first day as resident, you gotta give the girl some time to make herself presentable right?” He sat down beside Ethan before gestured the doctor on duty to tend to Ethan’s injury.</p><p> </p><p>          Ethan sighed.</p><p> </p><p>          “I never see you like this before.” Naveen push his glasses up and commented. He always knew they shared a special chemistry when he saw the way they reacted around each other, and he also knew Ethan was too stubborn to admit to his own feelings.</p><p> </p><p>          “Naveen.” Ethan glared at his mentor, hoping he would stop talking about this. His feelings were messy enough.</p><p> </p><p>          “When are you ever going to be honest with yourself?” Naveen who got used to his protégé’s character, didn’t mind about his demeanour. “Do you know what you really wanted?” He added while patting his shoulder lightly.</p><p> </p><p>          “I…” Ethan struggled to find the proper wordings to explain his feelings, but he couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>          He was attracted to her at the moment she saw her application, he knew she will be a good doctor, she will be successful. Was it merely because he cherished her good doctor quality and talent like a normal mentor would? No, he knew it was more than that.</p><p> </p><p>          He was being mean and rude to her at the beginning, it was in order to bring the best out of her, to push her to be better, normal person would’ve run for the hills, but he knew she wouldn’t. The longer he got to know her, he came to know she is a kind hearted and caring person, she cherish lives, she is passionate about her work, of course she wasn’t perfect, but she continued to learn and be better per his expectation, he admired those wonderful qualities on her as colleague. But was that it? Admiration was the only thing he felt for her?</p><p> </p><p>          No.</p><p> </p><p>          He continued to shut her out even though he admired her work and her personality, she didn’t seem to mind though, she was very persistent and patient to peel off his shell, layer by layer, eventually, he let her in, bit by bit, she made him realize, it was a very wonderful feeling to actually have someone who can listen to him, share his thoughts with. She was very supportive and caring towards him, he couldn’t ask for a better person to partner with during the darkest period of his life that time, the fear and helplessness of losing someone he respected and revered equally like his own father. So, he was appreciating her as a best friend?</p><p> </p><p>          No. He was undeserved to have a friend like her. He despicably enjoy the endless warmth, support and comfort offered by her, while shut her out when she needed him the most. </p><p> </p><p>          When he realized the mistake, the damage was done, all he could do was trying his very best to save her career. It was what he always wanted, he wanted to see her thrived and successful. After all the incidents that happened to her, the thought of making her career his utmost priority has become his obsession. His feelings for her were guilt driven?</p><p> </p><p>          No. The feelings he had for her were complex. Apart from all those, there was one thing simple, something buried under those complicated feelings, a primitive instinct that he subconsciously compressed under the cages consisted ethics, professionalism, morale… he realized that when they were in Miami. He wanted her. Wanted so badly to kiss her, to feel her skin with his touches… he wanted so many things…</p><p> </p><p>          Those oppressed desires were finally released like a broken dam, when the realization of they were no longer co-workers hit him. To his surprise and joy, she also wanted him the way he wanted her.</p><p> </p><p>          That night was the most wonderful night in his life, he would say. They may continue that way if he wasn’t returning to Edenbrook.</p><p> </p><p>          When he held her into his arm after their love making that night, all the complicated feelings has settled to only one feeling, <em>he loves her</em>.</p><p> </p><p>          However, he had to go back to reality, back to the very same cage that imprisoned his feelings and desired.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>          He couldn’t do it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>          He cannot accept having to lose it when he finally had it.</p><p> </p><p>          The thought of succumb to his feelings and the guilt that driven him to ensure her success as his responsibility had torn him apart.</p><p> </p><p>          In the end, guilt has won, he ran to Amazon to help fought an epidemic, to reset his feelings and their relationship so that everything will be back to square one, the way it should be.</p><p> </p><p>          People praised him for his so called bravery act, but deep down inside, he knew he did it not because he was brave, it was a cowardice act.</p><p> </p><p>          Now that he knew his action has hurt her deeply, everything has become complex again. He didn’t deserve her, the damage was done, and he should just stick with original plan – making her successful in her career. It was all he could do to make it up to her for all the emotional torments he made her went through.</p><p> </p><p>          However, her quick acceptance to their ended relationship and she finally moved on from him to be with someone else has triggered him. He was so used to having her following his footsteps, her reverence, he didn’t know he would feel this hollow after he has lost them all to someone else.</p><p> </p><p>          He never realize possessiveness and jealousy were part of his personality traits before he knew her.</p><p> </p><p>          Right now, love, guilt and egoism has clouded his feelings, until he could clear things up, he would not and could not meddle her life anymore.</p><p> </p><p>          He wanted to make sure he reach her back is because of love, it shouldn’t include guilt or egoism, not even one bit.</p><p> </p><p>          She deserves much better.</p><p> </p><p>          Even if that person wasn’t <em>him</em>.</p>
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